{"id":1373,"date":"2017-02-16T15:06:53","date_gmt":"2017-02-16T15:06:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/?p=1373"},"modified":"2022-09-14T14:15:02","modified_gmt":"2022-09-14T13:15:02","slug":"difficult-conversations-client-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/difficult-conversations-client-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"Difficult conversations and giving client feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you sometimes wonder how to most effectively engage in a difficult conversation?\u00a0 Some people may say that good conversations are a matter of common sense\u2026 they may be; but they are not always common practice.\u00a0 Perhaps a client is regularly late for their appointment, or maybe you have a colleague who doesn\u2019t communicate enough.\u00a0 Imagine perhaps that a client is voicing their concern in a less than positive or tactful manner, \u201c<em>this is rubbish, it doesn\u2019t work, you aren\u2019t any good\u2026\u201d.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">What stops you communicating with them about it?\u00a0 What could go wrong?\u00a0 It can be good to be alert to any limiting beliefs that <em>you<\/em> might have (e.g. \u201c<em>They won\u2019t like me anymore\u201d)<\/em> and strengthen your positive self-beliefs.\u00a0 Be aware that you are in charge of your own destiny, no-one else.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">The start of effective communication begins with listening&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1382\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/business-man-pay-attention-listen-meeting-coffee.jpg\" alt=\"active listening hypnotherapy giving feedback to clients\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/business-man-pay-attention-listen-meeting-coffee.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/business-man-pay-attention-listen-meeting-coffee-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/business-man-pay-attention-listen-meeting-coffee-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/business-man-pay-attention-listen-meeting-coffee-450x300.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you hear yourself interrupting?\u00a0 Particularly with \u201c<em>yes, but\u2026\u201d<\/em>?\u00a0 Are you diagnosing before you have heard the full story? Do you find yourself giving or dictating solutions?\u00a0 Do you turn it back around to yourself, with \u201c<em>Oh, me too\u2026\u201d<\/em> or are you constantly writing everything down, thus avoiding eye contact and distancing yourself.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Effective active listening skills includes reflecting back, summarising and clarifying their views (<em>\u201cSo what you are saying is that it sounds like you\u2026\u201d)<\/em>,\u00a0 appropriate eye contact and asking non-leading questions.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>How do you deal with difficult conversations?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Take a moment to honestly think about how <strong>you<\/strong> would deal with the following situations:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: center;\">\n<li>Someone is complaining about a person you like very much<\/li>\n<li>A client asks your opinion and then says \u201cyes, but\u201d to your suggestions<\/li>\n<li>A colleague takes credit for your work \/ ideas<\/li>\n<li>You are critiqued unjustly<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">How would you usually deal with difficult conversations such as these?\u00a0 Are you an \u2018Avoider\u2019, a \u2018Full Attacker\u2019 or a &#8216;Mediator&#8217;?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">An \u2018<strong><em>Avoider<\/em><\/strong>\u2019 avoids getting to the point, floats and drifts around it<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">A \u2018<strong><em>Full Attacker\u2019<\/em><\/strong> attacks the issue like a sledgehammer<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">A <strong><em>\u2018Mediator\u2019<\/em><\/strong> communicates with respect, and is focused on a defined outcome<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Where a conversation starts in conflict, or develops into conflict, asking questions slows down conflict, whereas defensiveness speeds it up.\u00a0 However, be aware of how those questions can trigger unwanted responses\u2026<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t you think\u201d = I think<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\u201cDid you\u201d\u2026\u201dHave you\u201d = You should have<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>What are you working with?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">With difficult conversations, and particularly when giving feedback, you are not working with their personality or their attitude, you are working with their behaviour.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1374\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/personality-attitude-behaviour.png\" alt=\"personality attitude behaviour hypnotherapy\" width=\"546\" height=\"413\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/personality-attitude-behaviour.png 545w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/personality-attitude-behaviour-300x227.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 546px) 100vw, 546px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Describe their behaviour in a neutral state; \u201cWhat you did\/said was X\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Explain how you felt; \u201cI felt X\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Indicate understanding; \u201cI understand X\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Inform; \u201cIn future X\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Remember to include open questions (what, how, when, where, who), avoiding why (analytical, potential for judgement or blame) and avoid closed (yes \/ no) questions.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Therapeutic feedback<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Effective feedback to and from clients is a vital part of therapeutic communication.\u00a0 Alongside active listening and rapport building, feedback management, both the giving and receiving of feedback, has many benefits, not least enhancing working relationships and our overall effectiveness as therapists.\u00a0 We communicate feedback all the time; how we speak, listen, our tone of voice, our words, even the silences between the words.\u00a0 Whether we acknowledge it or not, we are giving feedback all the time.\u00a0 Feedback not only conveys information from one person to another about behaviour or actions that <em>have<\/em> occurred or may occur, but also influences the nature, and likelihood of its occurrence or recurrence.\u00a0 It can be conscious (deliberate, verbal) or unconscious (non-verbal, body language)&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1383\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/fear-phobia-nail-biting-man-worried.jpg\" alt=\"nail biting unconscious body language hypnotherapy\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/fear-phobia-nail-biting-man-worried.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/fear-phobia-nail-biting-man-worried-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/fear-phobia-nail-biting-man-worried-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/fear-phobia-nail-biting-man-worried-450x300.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">It is better when our feedback is precise and helpful, and phrased to refer, without interpretation or judgement, to specific observed and perceived ways of behaviour, not the person (or personality) themselves.\u00a0 In addition, it is better when given at the right moment and presented in a way that the recipient can use and respond to.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Feedback enables the client to explore their strengths and areas for growth in an engaged manner, taking ownership in the process.\u00a0 Where feedback is balanced, accurate, well-timed, clear, specific, it can help the client perform more effectively (e.g. presentation strategies), inform the client about effects of certain behaviours (e.g. healthy eating), correct misinformation (e.g. about myths) and check for understanding (e.g. \u201c\u2026<em>you are saying you are coming for hypnotherapy primarily to reduce stress\u201d<\/em>), whilst avoiding the provision of opinions e.g. <em>\u201cYou really ought to attend therapy more regularly\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">In effective feedback, there needs to be value and understanding.\u00a0 Both parties need to feel that they have been understood, and that what has been communicated has some value e.g. \u201c<em>This is important because\u2026\u201d \u201cThat is interesting because\u2026.\u201d<br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Providing positive feedback is an opportunity to motivate and give praise, hopefully inspiring the person to do more of what will get them more praise, building on positive feelings and commitment. Giving effective feedback and receiving feedback well, are skills that can be developed with practice.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>How to give feedback<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">There are a range of feedback types, with descriptive approaches being the most commonly applied:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><em>Describing <\/em><\/strong>the behaviour or action<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><em>Evaluating <\/em><\/strong>the behaviour action introduces an element of critique<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><em>Emotional <\/em><\/strong>feedback can be less helpful from a therapist, as it communicates from a feelings perspective, yet can offer insight when provided by the client<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><em>Interpretative <\/em><\/strong>feedback develops insight and awareness by showing a &#8216;different perspective&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Self<\/strong> <strong>feedback<\/strong><\/em> is where the therapist wishes to help the client develop their own self-reflection skills. They can ask the client to reflect and consider what feedback they would give themselves.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">When considering how you give feedback, also consider the influence of cultural diversity.\u00a0 How we communicate may generally (though unintentionally) be confusing or even potentially impolite, for our clients.\u00a0 Being culturally aware is useful, and checking with clients can get some helpful feedback too.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Before giving feedback, it is useful to first consider<em> why<\/em> you are planning to give feedback.\u00a0 Consider whether it is necessary, why you are giving it, will it be helpful? Can you be honest? Are you able to speak with respect? Can you be compassionate?\u00a0 The key purpose of giving genuine and authentic feedback is to raise the client\u2019s awareness of what they are doing. It may be that you are working with a client\u2019s denial of their self-destructive habits.\u00a0 It is a skill to be able to tolerate uncomfortable situations as a therapist, staying connected to and present with the client in that moment of the therapeutic process.\u00a0 Sometimes, it is those difficult moments, particularly where a client faces up to their own accountability, that offer the most growth and development.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">A genuine intention to help or provide information will come across to the client in how feedback is received and is more likely to generate a positive response.\u00a0 Do remember, also, that feedback is \u2018offered\u2019, the client always has a choice whether they will accept it or not.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>The feedback process<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1376\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/feedback-process.png\" alt=\"feedback process how to give feedback to hypnotherapy clients\" width=\"521\" height=\"739\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/feedback-process.png 521w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/feedback-process-212x300.png 212w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 521px) 100vw, 521px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Communicate your feedback effectively<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">When giving feedback using the right language is important, and as hypnotherapists and hypnotists we (hopefully) understand how to phrase and frame our comments positively, avoiding any perception of judgement, criticism or attack (as such an approach is unlikely to enhance the situation). Thus, avoiding communications such as \u201c<em>You didn\u2019t do xyz\u2026\u201d <\/em>and instead using \u201c<em>If you had xyz, it would have\u2026\u201d <\/em>or replacing \u201c<em>You didn\u2019t handle that very well\u201d <\/em>with <em>\u201cHow could you have handled that situation differently?\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>will generally be a more effective choice when giving feedback.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">A feedback model for communicating changes to behaviour is <strong>\u2018D.E.R.I.S.T\u2019<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1377\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/DERIST.png\" alt=\"DERIST giving feedback effectively hypnotherapy client\" width=\"569\" height=\"734\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/DERIST.png 569w, https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/DERIST-233x300.png 233w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 569px) 100vw, 569px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Extra tips<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Here are 9 more useful tips on how to enhance your feedback communication:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">1 &#8211; Take time to consider what you want to say.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">2 &#8211; Offer rather than push your information and suggestions. Instead of giving advice \/ opinions, present ideas and reflections.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">3 &#8211; Be factual, speaking from your own perspective, offering observations of what you have seen or heard, rather than giving assumptions or interpretations, which can be misguidedly built from incomplete information.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">4 &#8211; Be specific, such as \u201c<em>When you laughed I felt upset because I wanted to be taken seriously\u201d, <\/em>as opposed to generalisations, such as \u201c<em>You never take me seriously\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">5 &#8211; Be selective and avoid giving someone too much to do at once.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">6 &#8211; Be supportive, rather than critical. Work from a position of &#8216;unconditional positive regard&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">7 &#8211; Make it personal, by using \u201cI\u201d in your feedback, such as \u201c<em>I felt disappointed when you didn\u2019t attend your appointment\u201d, <\/em>rather than \u201c<em>You have failed yourself by not coming to the session\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">8 &#8211; Listen, be honest, respect boundaries.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">9 &#8211; During feedback, having a congruent tone of voice enhances the impact of the feedback.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">We hope this blog has been helpful, but if you have any more questions on how to give effective feedback to your clients (or anything else for that matter) do please <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/contact-hypnotc-the-hypnotherapy-training-company\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">get in touch<\/a><\/strong>, because we\u2019re always happy to help!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8211; written by Dr Kate Beaven-Marks<br \/>\n(HypnoTC Director)<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2298\" src=\"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/Kate-Circle-for-Blogs-Small-New-2018.png\" alt=\"Dr Kate Beaven-Marks HypnoTC the Hypnotherapy Training Company\" width=\"120\" height=\"120\" title=\"\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you sometimes wonder how to most effectively engage in a difficult conversation?\u00a0 Some people may say that good conversations are a matter of common sense\u2026 they may be; but they are not always common practice.\u00a0 Perhaps a client is regularly late for their appointment, or maybe you have a colleague who doesn\u2019t communicate enough.\u00a0 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":6050,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[30,34],"tags":[26],"class_list":["post-1373","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-applying-hypnotherapy","category-professional-development","tag-dr-kate-beaven-marks"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1373","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1373"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1373\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5864,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1373\/revisions\/5864"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6050"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypnotc.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}